I'm at the beginning of a what promises to be a very long month. Sir is away and the mouse doesn't really want to play (sorry I couldn't resist that one)

I feel a tad selfish to be moaning about how I will miss him. My logical/practical side just tells me to keep busy and get a lot done. Lose that 10 lbs, walk that treadmill, clean those closets.

Concentrate on bettering myself to enable myself to better serve Sir. Perhaps choosing one thing a day and if that one thing gets done I have succeeded.

*ponders*

Not a bad plan at all.

I'm just thinking back on my day.....what have I done today to better enable myself to serve

well I didn't do very well on the dieting (damn lack of will power and halloween candy!)

I did do some reading.. The book I am currently reading is "Opening Up" by Tristan Taorimino. It's a good read so far. It's informative and interesting. It is a "guide to creating and sustaining open relationships"

Tomorrow is another day, another opportunity to better myself and now I have a service oriented goal :)

I am suppose to be a masochist. I have always enjoyed pain in the past. I don't understand why I have problems with it now.

I like to play hard. I always have. Rough..Hard...Brutal.

The difference being is that now I'm in a relationship where I am not in control, not even a little bit.

Could I be struggling with my lack of control? It's not a 'game' anymore?

I ache for a caning but I find myself tensing......maybe it's become to important that it be a 'good' scene. Once i tense.......i can't let myself relax into the sensation. That's what it use to be.....that's how I use to think of it. "Intense sensation" .. not pain.


Now it just tends to hurt :(